My Students Are The Best

As you may know, I'm a part-time teacher and a full-time geek. So, while some teachers get apples, I receive little pranks like this.



That's what was on my marker board this morning when I walked in. So awesome.

Yes, there's a spelling error. I don't care. The main thing to know is this: we called (806) IRON MAN, and the number is out of service. Which means, somebody might be able to snag it, and become the Texas Iron Man.

There's a happy thought to start your Tuesday.

As for me, I have the best students ever.


Update: Class briefing case Texas v. White, 74 U.S. 700. The students crack me up.

Student 1: Professor, why does the court keep using "she"?

Me: That's the court referring to Texas.

Student 1: Texas is a woman?

Student 2: Sure is. That's why you don't mess with Texas. If it was a man, we wouldn't have warning signs at the state line.

(Texas roads do have signs at state lines that say "Don't Mess With Texas.")

Binding Deceit, Book 3 of the UBA Series is Out Now

Binding Deceit, Book 3 of the Undead Bar Association Series, is now available through Amazon and Kindle.

The Kindle edition is on sale for $2.99, through May 1.

The Undead Bar Association (UBA) was scattered. Some members hunted the undead, cheerfully taking on supernatural cases. Others turned resolutely to new careers and fresh relationships. One member, Maryanne, tried to escape the supernatural and her friends. She moved back to the one place where she thought nothing strange could happen, her hometown - Amarillo, Texas.

You can run from the undead, but you can't hide, even in Amarillo. It doesn't take long for Anthony the ghost to find Maryanne, and drag her into an adventure that's too much for her to handle. Conjoined ghosts, evil sorcerers, undead professors, zombie cows ... what's a gal to do? Good thing Maryanne's got the rest of the UBA to turn to. Of course, getting help means she has to call them, and risk them learning the secret she's kept hidden since law school.

For more details about Binding Deceit, including exclusive information about how Book 3 fits into the master story arc of the Undead Bar Association website, visit www.undeadbarassociation.com

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New Page Added to Undead Bar Association Website

A new page, Handbook, is now part of the Undead Bar Association website.

On this page you'll find all the quirky UBA definitions for traditional legal terms, like blackletter law and guardian. The new definition introduced in upcoming Book 3, Binding Deceit, is already posted.

You can visit the Handbook page here.

Look for Binding Deceit on Monday, April 22.

Why You Need An Editor

Do I need an editor?

That's a question asked by a lot of Indie writers. I come down firmly on the "yes" side of the debate. Every writer must have an editor...but not for the reasons you think.

Sure, you need someone to check your spelling, grammar, and all that technical stuff. But, there are software programs to help with that. You don't need a grammarian; you need an editor.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Every Writer Needs an Editor

1) Characters

As writers, we love 'em and hate 'em. Because we build such an attachment to these people we've created, we don't always see them clearly. A fresh pair of eyes (editor's) looking at your manuscript can uncover character development problems. An editor can also help you find hidden opportunities.

Example: My editor, while reviewing Undead Bar Association Book 3 (Binding Deceit, available April 22), developed a deep-seated hatred for a secondary character. This character is simply a part of the tapestry that makes up the main character's background. I did not design the character to be loved or hated, and never thought about the character in those emotional terms.

After learning my editor's feelings for the character, I stepped back and re-examined my design and execution. I decided two things: First, I needed to make the character a little more sympathetic. Second, well...let's just say, I'm scheming. My editor's reaction gave me an idea that's impacted the rest of the series outline. And, an idea of that magnitude is something you can't come up with alone. I don't care how great a writer you are or how great you think you are - two heads are better than one.

2) The Horror of Auto-Correct

Sometimes, you need an editor to save you from bad the grammar / spelling software did, when the software thought it was doing good.

Editor: Why is there a cockpit?

Me: What? Where?

Editor (pointing to page): Nick just pulled a cockpit out of his pocket.

Me: Oh. That should be lock-pick. A lock-picking kit.

Editor: That is definitely not what this says.

Error caught and fixed. Also, new joke added to a growing list of humor items gleaned from the editing process. Is that a cockpit in your pocket, or...

You can guess the rest.

3) When Your Cup Runneth Over

Every published series writer hits a point where there is just too much happening inside their head. Your mind is a vessel, it's full to the brim, and something must spill out. This is the moment when the writer must share their ideas with someone. It's MTT - Must Talk Time.

Problem is, if you force your MTT on family and friends, there's a good chance you'll alienate them. The people closest to you don't live in your fictional world like you do. Some of them don't even want to visit. They want to interact with you, the person, not you, the person inventing people and events. And, this is a good thing. Personal relationships keep you real, and that keeps your writing real. You need to hold onto your family and friends, and you do that by not drowning them in your writing overflow.

An editor, on the other hand, wants and needs to know more about your characters and worlds. This is especially important if you're writing a series. Your editor needs to know where your thoughts are going, so they can help your writing arrive at the planned destination.

Bring those MTTs to your editor. Family and friends will be grateful. And, you'll get the pleasure of sharing your ideas with someone who actually wants to hear them.

4) Style? Really?

Every writer, if they stick with the craft, develops their own distinct voice...their style. But, it's tricky. If you focus on developing style, trying to force it to happen, you'll blow it. At best, you'll end up a shadowy imitation of writers you want to emulate. You'll never find yourself.

How do you develop your own style? You keep writing, and one day, your editor tells you it's happened. Not in so many words; really, you have to read between the lines. But, it is your editor who lets you know.

Editor: I highlighted those two lines because they're not your style. They're hackneyed.

Me: Really? Thank you!

Editor: Did you just thank me for telling you to re-write something?

Me: No. You just told me I have style! And, you said I'm not a hack! Thank you.

Editor: Right. So, don't write like a hack. Write like you.

If you asked me to describe my writing style, I'm not sure I could do it. My editor could. Even better, she tells me when I'm not being true to it.

5. Accountability, and Scarcity's Joy.

You need an editor to keep you on schedule. Yes, it's annoying to have someone say, "The draft is due in a month. How's it coming? It's due in a week. It's due tomorrow. It's due today...and that means within normal business hours, not by midnight."

But, this is an annoyance every writer needs.

It's not just about sticking to a publishing schedule. Setting a deadline and sticking to it can make you a better writer, because it makes a key resource - time - into a scarce resource. When something's scarce, people use it carefully and thoughtfully. Have you ever heard someone say, "I work better under pressure?" This is what they mean. They've made time a scarce resource, and they're using it more effectively than if they had all the time in the world.

An editor will remind you just how scarce time can be.

There you are; the top 5 reasons you need an editor. Swallow your pride and get one. Your writing will thank you.

Binding Deceit - Cover Reveal

Binding Deceit, Book 3 of the Undead Bar Association Series, publishes April 22, 2013. Here's the cover art:

 

 

This book brings our heroine back to her hometown of Amarillo, Texas. She wants to live the quiet life, practicing law and visiting with friends. But want Maryanne wants isn't what Maryanne gets. Amarillo bleeds zombies and ghosts; it isn't long before Maryanne's caught up in undead mysteries. Even the law firm where she's working doesn't seem quite right. Of course, it can't be as bad as Dallas, where she worked for a firm of vampires. Or, can it?

 

To learn the story behind the cover art, and see the design process, visit the Undead Bar Association page at www.undeadbarassociation.com

Legendary Creatures of the American Southwest: Cactus Cat and Chupacabras

New Mexico Fairytales includes as key characters two legendary creatures of the American Southwest, the cactus cat and the chupacabras.

Of the two creatures, the cactus cat is the earlier known. It's existence is documented in Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwood, published in 1910. By contrast, reports of chupacabras sightings in the American Southwest only began in recent years.

The cactus cat is about the size of a traditional bobcat. It is covered with spines, the longest along the back and tail. The best time to see a cactus cat is during the desert howl, the song the cat makes it's been drinking fermented cactus juice. To find a cactus cat, one must seek out a slashed cactus in the deep desert, hide, and wait for nightfall. The cactus cat slashes the cactus leaves open on one night then returns the following day, after sunset, to drink the now fermented juice.

If you can't find a slashed cactus, try leaving out a glass of fermented blue agave juice, known outside the realm of the deep desert as 'tequila'. Top shelf quality is recommended, as the cactus cat is a connoisseur of fermented cactus juice and will not tolerate the blended tequilas dumped in the average margarita.

Please be aware, even the best tequila may not be enough to bring the cactus cat out of hiding. Sightings of the animal in recent years have been rare. The exact cause for this is unknown, though theories abound. The increasing encroachment of new, unnatural species like 'cyclists' and 'campers' in the cactus cat's natural habit, may endanger the species. Alternatively, the cactus cat may simply have lost territory to a new and vicious legendary creature, the chupacabras.

To learn the origin of the cactus cat, read Last Light in New Mexico Fairytales.

The earliest reported sightings of chupacabras began in Puerto Rico, around 1995. Since that time, the creature has moved steadily north. In recent years, it has been sighted in the American Southwest. The English translation of chupacabras is "goat sucker". Goats are the primary or favored diet of the creature, but the chupacabras has been known to suck blood and eat organs from other livestock and domesticated animals. As yet, there are no confirmed cases of chupacabras attacking humans.

The physical appearance of the chupacabras is a matter of some debate. Many accounts of eye-witnesses describe the creature as a hairless or scaly-skinned creature, coyote like in its form.

Such animals are not chupacabras. They are coyotes suffering from a kind of mange. The mange robs coyotes of hair and makes them more susceptible to dermal injury, infection, and premature death. A true chupacabras has gray hair, very coarse, that grows with especial ferocity along the animal's spine. Many people, seeing the chupacabras at night or in silhouette, have mistaken the hairs for spikes, but it is in fact the cactus cat that has such spikes.

News accounts of chupacabras sightings in the US sometimes spell the creature's name without the “s” at the end; “chupacabra.” This error is the result of a misunderstanding about the Spanish word. Though it ends with a “s”, chupacabras is in fact the singular form of the word. I chose in the story Goat Herd, found in New Mexico Fairytales, to use the same term for both plural and singular forms, since trying to make a new form of the word for the plural would just add mud to already dirty water.

I don't know that anyone has ever seen multiple chupacabras at one time, as in Goat Herd. God help you if you do.

San Jose Bell and the Loretto Staircase

New Mexico Fairytales, my first book of modern fairytales inspired by the states along old Route 66, touches on wonders and mysteries of two religious sites in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

First up: San Miguel Mission and the San Jose Bell. Featured in short story Mission Bell.

San Miguel Mission is, according to many, the oldest church in the US still in operation. There are other religious sites in the country that would debate that, but we won't get into that here. What is generally accepted as fact, is that the mission was built in the 1600s, before Plymouth colony was established on the Atlantic coast and just after the founding of Jamestown. Visit the mission today, and you can see places in the floor where archaeologists excavated down to the original adobe steps.

The mission is named for Saint Michael, one of the two (or three) recognized archangels of Christian faith. The other commonly recognized archangel is Saint Gabriel. Depending on the denomination, some recognize Raphael as holding the same status as Michael and Gabriel.

If you count the shepherds in the short stories of New Mexico Fairytales, you'll note there are three. One gives his name in Mission Bell, after he leaves the spot outside San Miguel Mission where he's been sitting and waiting; another has her name announced in Last Light. As for the third...well, I guess his name is what you will believe it to be.

The mission is dedicated to Saint Michael, but the bell inside is the San Jose Bell, cast to honor Saint Joseph. There are different opinions about the origin of the bell. Some say it was cast in the 1300s in Spain, made out of metal donated by villagers to celebrate military victory and thank their saint. I've heard others say the bell was cast in the 1800s in the United States. They claim the date in the bell's inscription was changed to boost tourism. Certainly when you look at the bell in person, there's a number there that could be read 3 or 8. For my short story, I pulled inspiration from the 1300s origin tale.

Here is a brief video clip showing the mission and the bell. Look closely at the wood posts supporting the bell, and you'll see the silver prayer symbols featured in the short story.

There's another legend about the San Jose Bell. They say if you ring it, you will come back to Santa Fe. Which explains why I keep going back there. That, or I'm addicted to the chocolate elixirs at Kakawa. Maybe it's both. San Miguel Mission and Kakawa sit at either end of the little side street called Burro Alley, so there is a clear connection.

Second religious site: Loretto Chapel and its miraculous staircase. Mentioned in short story Last Light.

The following video clip from Unsolved Mysteries does an excellent job explaining the mystery and wonder of the staircase. I'll make a couple of points then leave you to watch the video.

First, the staircase today (and as it's shown in reenactment scenes in the video) is notably different from its early days. In the video, you can see a decorative support connecting the staircase to a nearby column. That's a later addition to the staircase. So is the banister running with the stairs. In the beginning, the staircase had no railing and was entirely unsupported. Imagine walking two full turns up that. Some of the nuns and school girls got dizzy on that walk, and who can blame them.

Second, don't visit Loretto Chapel and anticipate taking your own walk up and down the stairs. They're closed to the public. The only time non-employees are allowed on the stairs, are when weddings are held in the chapel. Even then, only the bride and groom get to make the trip...partway, for one photo. Still, it's worth a visit to Loretto, just to see the wonder.

Hope you enjoy this slice of history and legend.

PS - There are other fascinating sites of religion and history in Santa Fe. We'll visit those together in Book 5 of the Undead Bar Association Series. So yes, there's more New Mexico to come.