Ace reporter Brian Sturgeon recently interviewed the famed Pirate Captain Bass, the man who recovered the crown of Proteus. We offer to you today a transcript of thatinterview.
Sturgeon: Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Captain Bass. Before we talk about your most recent trip, tell me a little bit about why you got into piracy.
Bass: Aye, it be me love of adventure.One trip, and I were hooked.
Sturgeon: Did you take on this last trip for booty?
Bass: No. I took it on for the halibut. Of course I did it for the booty! And the story, aye.
Sturgeon: I understand that you stopped off for supplies in Tortoga. Several of your fellow pirates tried to warn you about the curse of Proteus' crown.
Bass: There wasn't a warning I haddock heard. They said the crown be the bane of sane soles. But my mind were made up. No warning could put me off the trip. I didn't even need to mullet over.
Sturgeon: But it's said that any human in possession of the crown will be cursed.
Sturgeon: That didn't worry you?
Bass: No, by Cod. A man needs a goal in life, a mission...a porpoise. That's what the crown of Proteus were fer me.
Sturgeon: How was the journey?
Bass: The wind was crappie, to begin.Then it died. Fer days we be floundering. But I don't like to carp about it. Point is, we made it through at last. The crown of Proteus be in hand.
Sturgeon: You must be very proud.
Bass: I be not fishing for compliments.I know me worth.
Sturgeon: Of course. And I'm sure you share the might of your accomplishment with everyone else who survived the journey.
Bass: Sardinely. I be not shellfish.
Sturgeon: Right. So, what about it?
Sturgeon: The curse. It's obviously real.
Bass: Is it now. Reel, says you? Oh, I trout that. I trout that very much.
Sturgeon: Uh-huh. How has life been since your return?
Bass: Arr, it be not what I'd hoped.Crew's gone. Left for other ships; I don't know why. Even me parrot,Polly, be gone from the perch.
Sturgeon: Did they say why?
Bass: They spouted some nonsense about the curse.
Sturgeon: The curse that fates the holder of the crown to obsess about fish for the rest of his life.The curse that you're convinced doesn't exist.
Sturgeon: Okay. Just one more question,Captain.
Bass: No. My patience be wearing fin.
Sturgeon: That makes two of us. Thank you for your time, Captain.
Bass: Whale, it be me pleasure. But enough. I have a hankering for a pint.
Shortly after this interview, Captain Bass was killed in a fight at a local pub. The fight reputedly began after the intoxicated Captain told the barmaid he'd like to “kiss her trawl over.” The comment was overheard by the proprieter, who is also the barmaid's father. He asked the Captain politely to leave,but became incensed when the Captain told him to shove off.
“She's a fine looking lass,” theCaptain said of the barmaid; “Tell her to tuna round and show us that shapely bass.”
And that's when the fight started.
Captain Bass, you will be missed. God rest your fishy sole.
This post was written in salute of International Talk Like A Pirate Day 2012. For the 2011 post, go here. And for 2010, here.
And check out Debra Dunbar's piratical post: http://debradunbar.com/2012/09/little-pirates/